Tik Tok
by Eve-the-Charlotte
Summary: In which alarm clocks are broken and Kesha is bashed.  Various books, TV shows, anime/manga, cartoons, and pairings.  Some swearing and quite a bit of slash and femslash.  Mostly humorous.


_Tik Tok _by _Eve-the-Charlotte_

Pairings and fandoms are miscellaneous and will be found at the end. Wouldn't want to spoil it for those who want to guess, am I right?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but these words, except for the song, which I was possessed by evil plot bunnies to use.

_Waking in the morning, feeling like P. Diddy, I grab my glasses I'm out the door-I'm going to hit this city_

A fist came down on the alarm clock in the trailer that resembled a five star suite in the middle of a formerly uninhabited Canadian island. The fist, belonging to a dark eyed tan man, was retracted as the man glared at his companion. The busty blonde giggled at the malice on the host's face as she whined, "But, Chip, I liked that song by Kira." The host threw his hands up in exasperation at the blonde who probably didn't know what "exasperation" meant (and probably couldn't spell it either) and trudged off to the kitchen area to get coffee. The blonde's smile took a more naughty twist since her secret beau forgot he wasn't wearing anything.

_Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back_

An unusually large mallet came down on the rather expensive phone whose alarm let out such an irritating song so early in the morning. The woman with the mallet, with garish clown-like face paint and a jester's hat on, hummed a different song under her breath as she went back to snuggling with her girlfriend. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her, which she felt prompted speak aloud, which consisted of, "Hey, Red, guess which word I'm thinking of?"

_I'm talking-pedicure on our toes, toes, Trying on all of our clothes, clothes_

An arrow whizzed through the air and made contact with the evil device emitting evil Kesha at an inappropriate evil hour of the evil morning. All things were evil as far as Red Arrow was concerned, with his hangover and everything. A freckled, distinctly male arm wrapped around the hero's waist, and a drowsy voice muttered, "You know you're going to have to buy a new one now, right?" The redhead didn't respond but turned around and snuggled his equally red-haired lover, who always made hangovers better.

_Boys blowing up our phones, phones, Drop-topping, playing our favorite CD's_

Fortunately for the poor alarm clock, Bovril was awake enough to jump from the bed onto the blasted thing; otherwise the blonde airman might have taken aim with her gun and fired. The blonde blinked sleepily at the brunette sharing her bed, reminiscing their latest misadventure which led them to travel to an alternate future. Honestly, how they got into these messes; the Brit would never know. Sighing, she cuddled into her fiancée's chest, not noticing that he was watching her contently beneath his long, dark eyelashes.

_Pulling up to the parties, Trying to get a little bit tip-_

That particular song verse did not play out to the last syllable, mostly due to the pink-haired woman in pale pink lingerie who had just put the alarm out of its misery with a throwing knife. This promptly woke up the woman that _was_ sleeping soundly next to the alarm. With alarmed pure white eyes, she bolted up before relaxing upon seeing that it was just the clock that had been damaged. She sighed, rubbing her temples, before walking out of the room to make breakfast, leaving her again sleeping bed partner behind.

_Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up, Tonight, Imma fight, 'Til we see the sunlight_

A gunshot pierced the air as Kesha blared throughout the lake house with a gorgeous view over Lake Constance. The Swiss man blew away the smoke that was pouring out of his rifle as his _Liebhaber_ asked the same question he asked every morning: "Is that really necessary?"

To which the Swiss always replies, "_Ja_, it is, _mein lieber Österreichischen_."

_Tick tock, on the clock, But the party don't stop, Woah-oh oh oh, Woah-oh oh oh_

A bubble of dark energy surrounded the alarm clock before constricting the vexing machine until it broke. The sound made the ashen skinned woman smile. However, an unfortunate side effect was that the green skinned male next to her took advantage of her brief lapse in security and went in for an ass-grope. This, in her opinion, forced the woman to mentally pick up the remains of the clock and dump them on the pervert's head. Amid _totally _manly shrieks of "Dude, not again," the woman snuck out of the bottom of the bunk bed where she had been resting to escape any more attempts on her person. And she was _not_ at all smiling at the thought. Heaven forbid.

_Ain't got a care in the world, but got plenty of beer, Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here_

Kenny tugged his still sleepy husband out of bed. They hadn't been married long, since even South Park waited a while to allow two men to marry, so Kenny hadn't gotten the chance to do many things with his new spouse. Despite what most may think, simply dancing to a song blaring out of the alarm clock was one of the things Kenny had always wanted to do. "Dance with me, Buttercup," Kenny whispered in the ear of his fellow blonde, who obliged with a small grin. Neither of them minded the song enough to bother with changing it.

_Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger, But we kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger_

The British-African woman was cooking waffles as her girl's alarm clock went off. As a resounding crash sounded through the house, the fire Guardian couldn't help but smirk as she hear an increasingly loud rant from the earth girl with pretty, long blonde hair about bloody mad Americans and their stupid excuses for songs. "Waffles," the darker skinned woman offered to her irate friend, which the blonde grudgingly accepted, along with a kiss the earth Guardian permitted with a lot less grudge and lot more loving.

_I'm talking about-everyone getting crunk, crunk, Boys trying to touch my junk, junk_

"_Avada Kedavra_," the witch shouted and, with a bang and a blast of green light, the alarm clock that was the witch's current source of ire exploded spectacularly. The Ravenclaw fellow who was currently trying to quietly fix the witch's virus-ridden computer (apparently Slytherins had figured out how to create computer viruses now) blinked in a confused manner before commenting that he did not know the Killing Curse could affect electronic devices. "Of course it can, Terry, since the thing was possessed," was the reply the wizard received, which caused the teenager to sigh as he didn't feel in the mood to refute his girlfriend's statement, mostly because she would beat him with some sort of inane logic. Despite her status as a Gryffindor, the fifth year was rather good at that.

_Gonna smack him if he gets too drunk, drunk, Now, now-we goin' 'til they kick us out, out _

The assistant professor picked up the alarm and threw it out of the window of his bedroom, where it met its end with a satisfying _crash_. Only once the brunette was more awake did he realize with a groan that he had broken his own window, which now needed to be fixed. He buried his face into his pillow, attempting to wander back into sleep before his, er, boyfriend arrived home from his shift at the hospital. Said boyfriend opened the door to the bedroom at that very moment, as he had been sneaking ninja-style into the apartment, trying not to wake his often testy lover. Unfortunately, he had accidentally, at that moment, turned back on the alarm clock that had fallen out of the sky into the extremely tall man's arms. As Kesha went on blaring out of the device, the brunette's aura darkened considerably and issued the simple command of "Kill it, Nowaki," which was somewhat muffled by the pillow. The taller man still obliged immediately, killing the machine and the rest of its nine lives by crushing it with his bare hands. Needless to say, the giant's reward was great.

_Or the police shut us down, down, Police shut us down, down, Po-po shut us-_

Whether Kesha had anything else to say would forever be a mystery as a paintball hit the machine hard enough to land on the floor with an audible _crack_. The blonde lowered her choice of weapon down with a smirk, as the paintball meant for Freddy was sacrificed on a more worthy opponent. The girl next to her, still unclothed from last night's _activities_, frowned at the damage the blonde caused. The brunette wouldn't dare admit it, but she actually kind of liked Kesha.

_DJ, you build me up, You break me down, My heart it pounds, Yeah, you got me_

The iPhone, which belonged to her roommate, met its demise between the upper and lower jaws of the wolf, which was pissed at the thing for interrupting her sleep. This was especially because she didn't go to bed 'til three o'clock, and it was only seven-thirty-six in the feckin' morning! Also, the Scotswoman, who had shifted back into her human form, was still in her Prom dress from the dance last night and she felt rather icky now. Unfortunately, before the girl could get very far, an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her back into the bed. As the wolf-woman turned to face her boyfriend, a mutant like her, she muttered, "Ye owe me big, me lad Jamie. Ye owe me big."

_With my hands up, You got me now, You gotta that sound, Yeah, you got me_

The bird-esque meta-human let out a deafening shriek, which caused the alarm to short-circuit and stop that goddamn song from playing. The woman knew she woke up her housemates, but she currently didn't give a damn at the moment. Her bed was cold, even though the water-controller had promised to stay. The woman had lied. Before the bird woman could further allow her thoughts to tread a misery-laden path in her brain, a semi-solid transparent arm fell across her shoulders, causing the avian meta to look up. The water woman smiled softly at the bird teen before keeping her promise with a kiss. Maria never went back on her promises, even when she wasn't quite Maria.

_No, the party don't start until I walk in_

The friendly, neighborhood alien could no longer take the singing! The Kryptonian let out a blast of heat vision which destroyed the alarm clock in an utterly beautiful manner. The bald man at his side merely looked at the alien before saying, "Clark, you know I'm going to be paying for that, since you're currently unemployed at the moment, right?" The follicle-challenged (but don't say that to his face) male heard no answer, so he repeated his query, which only earned him a (which will not be admitted aloud even under pain of death cute) sleepy grunt. The Luthor heir sighed, mentally calculating how many more alarm clocks he would have to buy as opposed to just paying to have some mercenary kill the horrible singer.

Fin.

Fandom and Pairing In Order:

Total Drama Island (cartoon) – Chris/Lindsay

Batman (cartoon) – Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn

Young Justice (cartoon) – Red Arrow (Speedy)/Kid Flash

Leviathan Series (book) – Alek/Deryn

Naruto (anime/manga) – Sakura/Hinata

Hetalia: Axis Powers (anime/manga) – Edelweiss (Switzerland/Austria)

Teen Titans (cartoon) – Beast Boy/Raven

South Park (cartoon) – Kenny/Butters

W.I.T.C.H. (book made into cartoon) - Cornelia/Taranee

Harry Potter (book) – Terry Boot/Hermione Granger

Junjou Romantica (Pure Romance) (anime/manga) – Junjou Egoist (Nowaki/Hiroki)

iCarly (TV show) – Sam/Carly

X-Men: Evolution (cartoon) – Rahmie (Jamie/Rahne)

Static Shock (cartoon) – AquaMaria/Talon

Smallville (TV show) – Clex (Clark/Lex)


End file.
